Damaged
by xCrushx
Summary: Aya leaves Weiss one day, leaving behind a life that never loved him, and the boy that he thought he would forever. Angst, romance, drama, suicide, anorexia. Songfic. OmixAya, OmixNagi. Hinted YoujixKen.


Damaged

By Crush

Author's Note/Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Weiss Kreuz. "Damaged" belongs to Plumb and Brokedown Palace. 

Summary: Aya leaves Weiss one day, leaving behind a life that never loved him, and the boy that he thought he would forever. Angst, romance, drama, suicide, anorexia. OmixAya, OmixNagi. Hinted YoujixKen. 

~Damaged~  
  
The last word he said to me was "Goodbye." No I love you, no I'll see you later, no I'm not coming back, no Its not you're fault, no *real* goodbye. A small wave of his hand, quick kiss on the cheek and he was gone. Off to visit his sister again.

He never came home that night. Or the next day, or any day after that. Four days after he left Youji phoned the hospital. They hadn't seen Aya in nearly two weeks. I searched his room then, hoping for something insightful, hoping for something he left behind. Something besides me. 

__

//Dreaming comes so easily,

'Cause it's all that I've known,

True love is a fairytale,

I'm damaged so how would I know,

I'm scared and I am alone,

I'm ashamed and I need for you to know//

I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I didn't talk, I didn't listen. I tore his room apart, I looked through everything. I spent two weeks trying to find something, anything to explain to me what exactly it was that drew him away. 

When I did sleep he haunted my dreams; my nightmares. He haunted my every thought. Ken came in his room everyday to check up on me. One day, about two and a half weeks after Aya left Ken said something shocking, "Maybe he didn't leave anything in here," he motioned to the room, "Maybe its something in here," he placed his index finger to my temple. 

__

//I didn't say all the things I wanted to say,

And you can't take back what you've taken away,

'Cause I feel you

I feel you near me//

I spent lying in Aya's bed, re-calling every conversation we ever had, analyzing them, trying to find him. I hadn't touched my own room in days, I could sense him better in here. It had been nearly three weeks since he'd gone away. 

__

//I didn't say all the things I wanted to say,

And you can't take back what you've taken away,

'Cause I feel you,

I feel you near me//

As another week went by, I hadn't thought of anything. I still hadn't eaten since he left. I stopped turning the bathroom light on, I was sick of seeing what I had become. My eyes sunk back, the black bags under them seemed to take up the rest of my face, my clothes no longer fit, and they fell off. I had become another anorexic teenager.

Ken took me to the hospital five weeks after Aya left. I was admitted right away. They placed an IC tube in my left wrist and started me on calcium and protein supplements. As expected, I lapsed into a coma the first week. My body was too weak to fight off the infection I got in my right ear. I'm officially the first 18 year old I know with a hearing aid.

__

//Healing comes so painfully,

And it chills to implode, 

Will anyone get close to me,

I'm damaged as I'm sure you know,

I'm scared and I am alone,

I am ashamed and I need for you to know//

I awoke from my coma a week after I lapsed into it. I found myself in a hospital room with my roommate sleeping beside me. The sterile white room was glowing with the sunlight from the small window next to my bed.

I heard the door open and I turned to face the orange haired German from Schwartz. He gave me a half smile and said, "You're awake." He sat down in the chair closest to my roommate's bed, "See, Nagi, he's awake, it's your turn now."

I spoke the first words since Aya left, "You're not here to kill me?"

Schuldig laughed, "Sorry, Kiddo, I'm not here to put you out of your misery. Unless, you want me too…" 

I thought for a second, my first mistake, because moments after I began Schuldig sputtered, "Red left ya?!"

__

//I didn't say all the things I wanted to say,

And you can't take back what you've taken away,

'Cause I feel you,

I feel you near me//

Nagi woke up three days after I did. I watched in silence as he got his wrists re-bandaged, called Schu a sap, and told Crawford to leave before he called security. Ken or Youji watched from beside me, not bothering to speak at all. 

__

//I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say,  
And you can't take back what you've taken away,

'Cause I feel you,

I feel you near me//

Over the next few days Nagi and I became friends in a way. I found out he tried to commit suicide because Crawford killed Farfello when he found out that the two of them were lovers. He listened to me talk about Aya, held me when I cried, and we laughed about how over protective our teammates were.

The only thing Nagi couldn't help with was my dreams. They were so surreal, I could see Aya, I could touch him, I could *feel* him. I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming for him to come back, for him to return to me.

__

//There's only for my soul,  
And undo this fear,  
Forgiveness for a man who was stronger,  
I was just a little boy,  
But I can't go back//

I think we were both a little disappointed when we found out we were being released. Nagi convinced the councilor he wouldn't try to kill himself and I convinced him I'd eat. We sat in complete silence as Schu and Ken brought our clothing. We stood and dressed in the same silence. 

Before I left Nagi grabbed my arm and turned me too face him. I met night blue eyes as he said, "Take care of yourself, Tsukiyono." And before I could reply he pressed his lips to mine for a quick kiss.

__

//I didn't say all the things I wanted to say,

And you can't take back what you've taken away, 

'Cause I feel you,

I feel you near me//

For the next week, I was on cloud nine. I was truly happy. I talked to Nagi everyday over the Internet or the telephone, I began working in the shop, accepting missions, and eating. I rebuilt my life the ninth week Aya had been away. 

One day Schuldig came to the shop. He took me aside and told me Nagi was dead. He had killed himself the night before while Brad and Schu were on a mission. I didn't believe him, I had planned to tell Nagi I loved him that night.

__

//I didn't say all the things I wanted to say,

And you can't take back what you've taken away,

'Cause I feel you,

I feel you near me//

"Come on, Omi." Ken pleased with me, "You have to eat. Please?" I ignored him and went to answer the phone as it rang. 

__

//I can't go back//

"Hello?" I asked.

"May I speak to Omi Tsukiyono?"

"Speaking."

__

//I can't go back//

"My name is Dr. Lai Gray. Do you know Fujiyama Ran?"

_Aya? _"Yes. Yes, I do…"

"He was brought in last night, I need someone to fill out his forms. You were listed as his emergency contact. 

__

//I can't go back//

I entered the hospital, Youji and Ken behind me. Ken went to fill out the forms while Youji guided me to Aya's room. He lay on the white sheets, violet eyes closed, crimson hair spilled out around him. 

__

//I can't go back//

Youji squeezed my shoulder before he left. I glanced behind me to see him holding Ken before the door shut. My eyes once again rested on *him*. His skin was pale with bluish bruises, his hair was dirty and matted with blood. 

__

//I can't go back//

I sat down in the chair and stared at my love. I watched the rise and fall of his chest. Slowly I opened my mouth, "Are you happy? I almost died, Ran! Because of you. Where did you go? What was there that was so much better than I was? What made you leave? I was in a coma. I met someone else, you know? It took someone new for me to feel. And he died, Ran. He committed suicide because no one could accept him." I was getting emotional by this point, he had been gone for two and half months. 

__

//I can't go back//

"I couldn't live. I didn't eat for a month, I would've kept on wasting away if Ken hadn't taken me to the hospital, I have a fucking hearing aid in my right ear, Aya! You promised me that you would never leave. You promised me that you loved me."

__

//I can't go back//

"And I loved you!" I heard the door open. I swung around, expecting to see Youji or Ken. Instead, I saw Nagi. His eyes were open wide, red roses spilling from his left hand.

"I-I'm sorry." He whispered, "I have to go, now." 

__

//I must go on//

"Nagi. Nagi, wait!" I shouted after him. He didn't turn around. I reached over to grab my coat off the bed and follow him. I felt something grab my wrist. And I turned to meet confused violet eyes. 

__

//I must go on//

"Omi?" He whispered, "Why are you crying? Why is there a hearing aid in your ear? What's going on?"

I stared down at him, "You've missed a lot, Ran." I held his gaze, "I don't love you anymore."

"Wha-?" 

__

//I must go on//

I pushed open the door, I ran past Youji and Ken's confused looks. I ran into the stairwell, taking the stairs twice at a time. When I reached the stairs for the basement, I stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn't believe what I saw. 

__

//I must go on//

Nagi lay at the bottom of the stairs, his neck twisted at an odd angle. I rushed down the stairs to his side. I pulled him onto my lap and I cried. I traced my finger along gentle features, "Nagi." I sobbed. 

__

//I must go on//

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a dart, I had placed it there the week before when I had found it in my pocket, "You were the one I loved." I whispered as I sank the dart into my neck. The world went dark, and I was no longer alone.

__

//I must go on//

~End


End file.
